Breakfast of champions!
Well, that’s supposed to be porridge to eat before I wash my steroids down with a nice cup of decaf coffee, in my favourite mug!
Last night the low mood hit me hard! I had such a vile attitude towards my DebbieRahRah! I know what you think, she’s amazing, why would I be like that!?
I don’t think even I can answer that! Its like not being the same person in your own head! My thoughts don’t even sound like mine! Snappy! Ok, maybe this was the old me, but not for long time!
I know the answer! Meditation! It helps me, so I need to concentrate more on that!
I miss my Yoga! Since the last class of the foundation course, its like I have lost the confidence! During the last part of 2018 & the first part of this year, I attended a foundation course in yoga ‘Diving deeper’ it was everything I wanted! All the philosophy, meditation, we discussed different types of yoga. All in a wonderful environment & we started to put our own practice together, surrounded by like minded people & no mobile devices! So no photos of anyone doing ‘the best yoga for their instagram account’
It was truly wonderful! I had a few melt downs when it came to doing the homework. Describing how to get into different postures! If I couldn’t physically get into the posture myself how could I describe it!?
That was until my teacher told me, it was only for myself, so write down how I would get into the pose! If I had to use props to get into a pose, then that’s what I had to write! If there was modification I could do that was different to what I already do, then that’s what I put in the box for modification.
I will always remember my teacher saying to me ‘Its only yoga! Don’t get so stressed about it!’
But to me it was more than that, it was a reminder of how different my style of yoga was to so many of the wonderful people in that class!
The final posture class was all the postures that I just couldn’t do! Even the modifications were near impossible because of the pain I have in my shoulders!
That day, I had an epic meltdown! One that I will never forget!
Truthfully, I felt as though I shouldn’t have been there! As though I didn’t belong there!
And ever since, thing’s just haven’t been the same! No personal, private yoga. My meditation has even taken a back seat! That brings me back round to where I started this post!
Last nights meltdown has made me remember a conversation I had with my Carer, Steph last week. While I was trying to get on top of my fatigue management, I came to the conclusion that I needed to continue with only one exercise class a week, but to change from week to week which class I do.
That way, I still get to do all my classes, which I haven’t been doing. Just spread out over time.
Steph asked me about my meditation and was I managing to do it every day? Did I have enough time in the morning to meditate before she arrived to start her day?
The answer, truthfully, was no! Yes, I have the time, but I just haven’t been sticking to it. I have found other things to do, that hasn’t been as important as my mind health, my meditation!
So that’s it… That’s why I’m not handling thing’s well!
So there was me thinking “day 2, only another 3 to go!” Which is why I would rather have intravenous steroids, over and done with in 3 days! Quicker recovery time!
But then… I got a WhatsApp message from the ‘Stephanator’ aka ‘Stephy’ aka my carer/PA or better still my Pocket Angel!
The message read “only 5 more days to go”
The conversation went something like this…
Steph is white, I’m green…
This lady really is amazing! We feel so honoured to have her in our lives! As part of our family! Really caring for me the way she does!
And so the strawberries got it!
I’m trying my best to eat as healthy as I can, but I’m remembering that I am still human and not to deny myself a bit of what I fancy!
What I really fancied today was in fact the strawberries and to also do some pottering in the garden!
But due to the weather and the fact that I’m supposed to be resting, the only thing that got ticked was the strawberries!
Hey ho, when you gotta rest you gotta rest!
Its been a long time since I was prescribed these little devils!
After a routine visit to my opticians on Thursday and several tests later, it became clear that the pain I was getting in my head wasn’t just characteristic of my fatigue coming on strong!
The lack of vision, which I hadn’t allowed myself to accept until it was real, these things combined could only mean one thing… inflammation in my optical nerve. Such fun!
Bring on the little blue pills! Oh god, not those ones! Nothing against a little help where its need, but that’s not this blog! Ha!
No these blue pills I’m on about come with a distinctive metallic taste, heartburn, mood swings, drowsiness (for me – most of the time!), increase in energy levels (for others – most of the time. Me, I have the occasional burst of energy!), facial flushing, increase in temperature, easily distracted (more than normal!), pain everywhere and the feeling of wanting to empty the whole contents of the fridge into my stomach!
Not everyone experiences the same symptoms! We are all individuals after all!
After the opticians
When the appointment was finished, it was like I could have told the optician what he was about to say! After all, I’ve had optic neuritis more times than I can remember! Plus, I worked in an opticians for many years, before being made redundant when the company sold to Vision Express!
I digress… I’m on steroids… What do u expect! Haha!
So, my optician, who was lovely. Told me what I knew… I was being referred to the hospital, where they could perform more tests to confirm optic neuritis (ON)
He did me a letter to take to my GP, one for myself & I also asked for one so I could take it to my MS team, where I went the following day for a follow up physiotherapy appointment! I discussed with my carer, and we agreed it would be a good idea to take the letter up to my MS team while I was at the same hospital! Mainly so that they knew what to look out for on my MRI scan I have next month!
That phone call!
The following day, Friday, after my carer had finished for the day and I was just about to settle down for my afternoon snooze. My phone rang! Like literally 10 minutes after Steph had left!
It was the new MS nurse ‘Michelle’
I had seen her earlier that day when I took the letter from the optician. She hadn’t seen me, as I stayed outside of the room on my mobility scooter.
She said she had seen my letter that I took in & wanted me on steroids! Gahhhh! She also said if she had seen me earlier that day, she would have prescribed me steroids there and then!
I told her I didn’t want them, but of course, she talked me into it! I always say after I have high dose steroids, never again! But the thought of what could happen if I don’t get the inflammation down in my brain, is scary!
I would have rather had the intravenous steroids as they are over and done with in 3 days! Unfortunately, it has to be the tablet version as they are full to capacity in the ‘Day Case Unit’ at far away hospital!
Above and beyond
I spoke to my GP about my MS nurse contacting them to arrange the prescription. I was told I would have to phone back at 5pm to see if it had been done. I explained that I hadn’t got anyone that could collect it for me and she agreed to get it sent to my chemist.
I phoned my chemist then to let them know and was waiting for a phone call when they had received my prescription.
Next, I had a call from my partner as she had called in at the chemist on her way home from work… No surprise, the tablets would need to be ordered and wouldn’t be in until Saturday. Now I was waiting for a phone call on Saturday when my tablets had been delivered.
During all this time, I was keeping my carer ‘Steph’ in the loop on the conversation as I was certain she would like to know.
The following day (yesterday) I had a message on WhatsApp from Steph (carer) asking if I knew what time my tablets were to be collected, as she would collect them for me and drop them in!
It was her day off, there was no way I was expecting that! I certainly wouldn’t have asked! What and amazing thing to do for me!
I phoned the chemist, tablets were there but they would need around and hour to dispense them.
I messaged Steph back to let her know.
Within the hour Steph was round with my tablets, or part of them anyway! (More to collect Tuesday!)
She didn’t only bring my medication, she also made sure I had some lunch so I could have my tablets with and made sure I took my tablets! (She knows me so well, already!)
Her husband stayed in the car, when I told her he could come in, she was so considerate to our newest addition to the family, our dog from Cyprus ‘Muse’ who is really frightened of men. She explained that he was ok in the car, to save upsetting Muse!
How amazing! I’m still blown away, that she thinks of me even when she’s not working! And to make sure I got the medicine in me as soon as possible! That is what you call going above and beyond!
Cheeky cherries rather than the steroid survival kit
I always find when I have steroids, the taste they leave is awful! It doesn’t always last all day, but for me the majority of it and for every day that I take them! This isn’t always the same for everyone.
The only thing that I want that helps with the taste is coffee (always decaf) and fruit pastilles!
Orange lucozade because, well, it’s ok to have a bit of what you like now & again! And this calls for it!
Chocolate, because, well… re-read the paragraph above! Haha!
BUT… All I really wanted to eat yesterday (during the day) was the cherries that were in our fridge! Super proud of that!
The chocolate however was shared between Deb and I in the evening and I still have nearly all the Lucozade left. The fruit pastilles haven’t been opened… YET!
Today, I’m hoping to finish the strawberries!
So, back to the title… ‘Santan’s smarties’, ‘Stair rods’ or ‘Steroids’
Because of my intense dislike, hate even, to steroids. I change the name of them! I know I do this because I don’t accept them. But maybe, the way to accept them is to call them what they actually are!
If I accept them, perhaps I can keep my mood lighter and make the whole time I’m on them a better experience?
I can’t remember the last time I was able to do my Pilates or Yoga!
Fight Club, the Gym & Weights #bodypump are a distant memory!
Aquafit & the occasional Yoga class is helping to keep my muscles moving
All the things I never thought about, then started to, then never stopped thinking about! I was there, at every class! A day not complete without queuing to get to our favourite spots in the class. Sweat dripping down our faces, as we did the unthinkable
And now, weeks go by without, months even with only the occasional gentle yoga class!
Daily meditation is definitely the key to me staying mentally healthy!
Its been a long time, but I feel a blog post coming during the next week or two!
Truth… MS Fatigue is kicking my ass!
MS you can try, but I know some little blue pills that are going to kick back harder!
Such a lovey time of the year, call me crazy but I always loved the hustle and bustle of December!
That feeling when you’ve queued in the shops on black Friday 🛍, you trawled the internet for the best deal on cyber Monday 💻, when you can’t decide whether to treat yourself to a fresh christmas tree 🎄 and then like every year – decide that you could actually spend that money on the food instead 🍽 and you get the artificial tree out of the loft.
Next, you sit for an hour or more untangling the lights 💡 for the tree!
Static shocks ⚡️whenever you touch anything after handling all the tinsel, that you eventually threw on your tree 🎄
Trying not to get stressed 😠 when you end up sticking all your fingers together, as you bravely start wrapping the presents ready🎁 for Santa’s 🎅 elves to collect.
You’ve made it this far with your sanity intact, keep it that way just a little longer!
Lets skip through any more dramas that may try to own you and fast forward to sitting with the family 👩👩👧👦, surrounded by all that wrapping paper and invisible sticky tape that got you so stressed 😡. Now it lies on the floor, torn and screwed up! You got your own back on it! You won that war! 💪
Laughter and love 💗 all around you as you sit at the table with your loved ones, a glass of your favourite beverage in your hand 🍷 and the bottle 🍾 at your side! Take a breath and feel proud! 👌
Enjoy this time, don’t let the madness of this month ruin the best time that is still to come!
Happy December everyone!
Didn’t want to go out, but I had to!
Was comfy in my pyjamas, but had to go to the chemist.
I made the effort, I had a wash, got dressed, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, attempted to put socks & shoes on, just about managed!
Drove past the chemist, open, good!
Parked the car, stumbled out of car, walked around the corner…….
THE SHUTTER HAD JUST LOWERED, THEY WERE CLOSED FOR LUNCH! AN HOUR!
Oh how I laughed!
And returned an hour later!
I don’t know about other MSrs, but I always know when I have an infection!
Balance is terrible & my vision started to blur!
I’m so sensitive to any changes to my ‘normal every day MS symptoms’
Thank you sinusitis I get to have some Antibiotics, which apparently I had before in 2009! Just hope I don’t react to them!
Shake it baby!
My body has an internal tremor today and my head is going for it too!
Not the nicest but a good reason to be a sofa surfer!
Something I always found hard to do, but not anymore!
The trick is, listening to your body, a way that my body tells me it needs rest, is a flare of my symptoms.
Today’s flare is from my MS and I have Tremors!
Yesterday it was quite possibly my Fibromyalgia with extreme pain (hard for me to tell fibro pain from MS pain)
I understand everyone leads busy lives in different ways, and it is extremely hard for people to find the time to just stop, to rest, to breathe.
BUT, we have one body for our lifetime!
Preach over! 🙊👌💯
Other than renewing my medication, that trip to the GP today was a complete waste of time! Just as it was 2 weeks ago!
All praise to the NHS, but seriously! 😡
So the ‘For foot sake’ saga continues… GP (not my usual – neither was it today) wrote a letter 2 weeks ago to Rheumatology to expedite my appointment for my foot/back results that I have on 10th November (doesn’t seem far away but believe me, it did back in August!) He sent the letter, to no avail! I’ve been calling every day and not a single cancellation!
I totally get it, there are others in the same situation as me, but, come on!