Final day for those Steroids!

So, with the confirmation from the lovely MS nurses yesterday, this morning was officially my final day for the high dose Steroid tablets for my MS relapse.

I do however have another 2 days worth of them, which will shall keep in case/when I need to have them again! But looking at the expiry date, I hope they will be out of date when/if I have another relapse!

I am so happy that I don’t have to have them for another 2 days! 5 is enough, let alone 7!

But I have had them, I’ve put my trust in the medication again! I feel like I’ve been hit by a steam roller and flattened several times, but hopefully, with enough rest and recuperation I shall get over this and bounce back as I have done many times before!

I have increased my meditation to 3 times a day and mentally and I feel better for it!

I cannot in anyway do any exercise, even my stretches for my shoulders is too much! My body feels as though its 10x heavier than it is! My muscles ache, it hursts to wear clothes. But needs must, in this modern world, ha!

I’m very grateful to Stephy today, for helping me to shower this morning, it got me somewhere to feeling a little more normal!

Onwards and upwards!

Day 4/7 Steroids for possible MS relapse

20 tablets down, 15 to collect today! Another 3 days left!

Oh please, let there be a miss calculation somewhere!

I’m sure its only normally 5 tablets all together in the morning for 5 days!

Chakra healing meditation

If anyone has ever thought about meditating but unsure where to begin….

A great way to start is with ‘guided meditation’ This is a brilliant way for me to meditate, it keeps me connected, especially when I’m feeling as tired as I am while on Steroids!

A brilliant app that I use is called ‘insight timer’ which is where I had this mornings meditation from.

Its a free app, in app purchases can be made for ‘classes’ which are fantastic, or you can just still to using it for free, which is what I tend to do.

So, I’m meditated, medicated & ready for Steph to pick me up!

Tysabri infusion number 100! Bring it on! And then an afternoon of sleep!

Day 3 of 7 Steroids for MS relapse!

Breakfast of champions!

Well, that’s supposed to be porridge to eat before I wash my steroids down with a nice cup of decaf coffee, in my favourite mug!

Melt down…

Last night the low mood hit me hard! I had such a vile attitude towards my DebbieRahRah! I know what you think, she’s amazing, why would I be like that!?

I don’t think even I can answer that! Its like not being the same person in your own head! My thoughts don’t even sound like mine! Snappy! Ok, maybe this was the old me, but not for long time!

I know the answer! Meditation! It helps me, so I need to concentrate more on that!

I miss my Yoga! Since the last class of the foundation course, its like I have lost the confidence! During the last part of 2018 & the first part of this year, I attended a foundation course in yoga ‘Diving deeper’ it was everything I wanted! All the philosophy, meditation, we discussed different types of yoga. All in a wonderful environment & we started to put our own practice together, surrounded by like minded people & no mobile devices! So no photos of anyone doing ‘the best yoga for their instagram account’

It was truly wonderful! I had a few melt downs when it came to doing the homework. Describing how to get into different postures! If I couldn’t physically get into the posture myself how could I describe it!?

That was until my teacher told me, it was only for myself, so write down how I would get into the pose! If I had to use props to get into a pose, then that’s what I had to write! If there was modification I could do that was different to what I already do, then that’s what I put in the box for modification.

I will always remember my teacher saying to me ‘Its only yoga! Don’t get so stressed about it!’

But to me it was more than that, it was a reminder of how different my style of yoga was to so many of the wonderful people in that class!

The final posture class was all the postures that I just couldn’t do! Even the modifications were near impossible because of the pain I have in my shoulders!

That day, I had an epic meltdown! One that I will never forget!

Truthfully, I felt as though I shouldn’t have been there! As though I didn’t belong there!

And ever since, thing’s just haven’t been the same! No personal, private yoga. My meditation has even taken a back seat! That brings me back round to where I started this post!

Last nights meltdown has made me remember a conversation I had with my Carer, Steph last week. While I was trying to get on top of my fatigue management, I came to the conclusion that I needed to continue with only one exercise class a week, but to change from week to week which class I do.

That way, I still get to do all my classes, which I haven’t been doing. Just spread out over time.

Steph asked me about my meditation and was I managing to do it every day? Did I have enough time in the morning to meditate before she arrived to start her day?

The answer, truthfully, was no! Yes, I have the time, but I just haven’t been sticking to it. I have found other things to do, that hasn’t been as important as my mind health, my meditation!

So that’s it… That’s why I’m not handling thing’s well!

Staying true to myself!

This past 18 months, I have been working really hard, on becoming my true authentic self. 
I am so much happier in my life now, except when it comes to handling my chronic pain levels!
I don’t like to be truthful about this part of me because I don’t want people to ever think I am after a pity party, I’m not! 

I don’t want people to be sad for me! 


But how can I be authentic if this is a part of me that I don’t share completely! 

So here goes… I have quite honestly never felt pain like this coming from my sacroiliac joint, hips, spine, legs, piriformis muscle and my feet! 

Tonight I broke! I couldn’t stop the tears! 

I am quiet certain this isn’t MS, maybe it is part of my fibromyalgia, maybe its just an old injury that’s never been looked into properly? 

Just like in my health coaching programme I did, maybe this is somewhere that has never been approached completely?
In yoga, they say we hold alot of our emotion in different areas of our bodies. Ok, some of you must have heard of stress being held in your shoulders? Well, that’s exactly what I’m talking about! 

What if the manifestation of chronic pain is  being caused by an unresolved emotional issue?

It has been said that there is a distinct connection between emotions and injuries.

A fall from being pushed in a malicious way will manifest in the body differently than a fall from an accidental trip on a very peaceful, carefree day.
Doesn’t that make you think! 

What ever it is, I’d like it fixed & my life back now… Pain free!

Yoga is always the answer!

Couldn’t get to my weights class tonight & is looking as though that will be a rare occurrence due to my back problems.
So instead, there was Yoga!… Just what I needed! Don’t know where I got the energy from but I had the will! Only managed 30mins and that’s ok! The fact that I did & I feel good now is what its about! 
Yoga is the answer to everything!

💁
I really do miss my weights classes with the amazing @keza_h 😞

Photo is my own as are the words written!

Journaling

#journaling 

This is something I have told myself I should do for a very long time. I don’t know why I hadn’t started this sooner!

Yesterday I started writing in my journal after attending a yoga class I hadn’t been to for a while. 
I’ve always had a lovehate relationship with yoga, mainly because I let my ego in. Expecting to be able to do all the poses anyone else can do, whilst forgetting that everyone is at different levels of ability and I have the added difficulty with my MS. 

Because of my MS it means moving my legs in particular is very hard and slow! The more I repeat the exercise the more my muscles fatigue and the slower I get! 

At this point yesterday I started to allow the #negativity in and then the self doubt. “I can’t do this” “I can’t do that” That’s when the tears roll and I know there’s no turning back. Negativity has hold of me! 
I’m so grateful for my beautiful Yoga teacher & healthcoach @louiseavilesyoga I couldn’t need her in my life more than I do now!

Meme from pinterest, words are my own