Breakfast of champions!
Well, that’s supposed to be porridge to eat before I wash my steroids down with a nice cup of decaf coffee, in my favourite mug!
Last night the low mood hit me hard! I had such a vile attitude towards my DebbieRahRah! I know what you think, she’s amazing, why would I be like that!?
I don’t think even I can answer that! Its like not being the same person in your own head! My thoughts don’t even sound like mine! Snappy! Ok, maybe this was the old me, but not for long time!
I know the answer! Meditation! It helps me, so I need to concentrate more on that!
I miss my Yoga! Since the last class of the foundation course, its like I have lost the confidence! During the last part of 2018 & the first part of this year, I attended a foundation course in yoga ‘Diving deeper’ it was everything I wanted! All the philosophy, meditation, we discussed different types of yoga. All in a wonderful environment & we started to put our own practice together, surrounded by like minded people & no mobile devices! So no photos of anyone doing ‘the best yoga for their instagram account’
It was truly wonderful! I had a few melt downs when it came to doing the homework. Describing how to get into different postures! If I couldn’t physically get into the posture myself how could I describe it!?
That was until my teacher told me, it was only for myself, so write down how I would get into the pose! If I had to use props to get into a pose, then that’s what I had to write! If there was modification I could do that was different to what I already do, then that’s what I put in the box for modification.
I will always remember my teacher saying to me ‘Its only yoga! Don’t get so stressed about it!’
But to me it was more than that, it was a reminder of how different my style of yoga was to so many of the wonderful people in that class!
The final posture class was all the postures that I just couldn’t do! Even the modifications were near impossible because of the pain I have in my shoulders!
That day, I had an epic meltdown! One that I will never forget!
Truthfully, I felt as though I shouldn’t have been there! As though I didn’t belong there!
And ever since, thing’s just haven’t been the same! No personal, private yoga. My meditation has even taken a back seat! That brings me back round to where I started this post!
Last nights meltdown has made me remember a conversation I had with my Carer, Steph last week. While I was trying to get on top of my fatigue management, I came to the conclusion that I needed to continue with only one exercise class a week, but to change from week to week which class I do.
That way, I still get to do all my classes, which I haven’t been doing. Just spread out over time.
Steph asked me about my meditation and was I managing to do it every day? Did I have enough time in the morning to meditate before she arrived to start her day?
The answer, truthfully, was no! Yes, I have the time, but I just haven’t been sticking to it. I have found other things to do, that hasn’t been as important as my mind health, my meditation!
So that’s it… That’s why I’m not handling thing’s well!